


Stuck

by stilesune



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23893288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilesune/pseuds/stilesune
Summary: He just never thought it would come down to a bumper sticker.Really. Of all the things in their line of work. The dangers on the job, the dangers of natural disasters, the dangers of psychopaths trying to kill the Buckleys and blood clots.And Eddie breaks over a bumper sticker.(In his defense, he was coming off of a 24-hour shift and still had to go pick up Christopher from Pepa’s andit’s Buck.)----Ambiguous timeline after 3x12.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 1032





	Stuck

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there. So, I haven't written anything in years, plural, and I'm brand new to the 9-1-1 fandom, thanks to quarantine and Hulu. I didn't consciously think about writing this. I opened Google Docs and just wrote this whole thing in one go. It's not beta read, not very thought out, but I have ideas and love these two so much right now. This was supposed to be more lighthearted and then Eddie's feels got in the way.

It’s not how he expected it to happen. Not that he’s sure he expected it to happen at all, really. Maybe, sometimes, quietly in the night, he’d think about it. Think about what it’d be like to be enveloped so completely in Evan Buckley’s love. He imagines it’d be warm and feel like being constantly around sunshine. 

You know. 

On the rare occasion that Eddie thinks of it. 

But after the tsunami, it had started small. 

Buck got a car seat for Christopher. Didn’t even ask Eddie for any of the correct requirements for Christopher’s age, height, and disability. If he needed one, but it was rare that Christopher did. 

_“Yeah,” Buck would shrug noncommittally when Eddie said as much and give a half-smile, “I spent like, four hours researching the best ones on Amazon and through the blogs. I wanted to make sure it was comfortable but functional and effective. I know you don’t use one, but after the tsunami, whenever I have Christopher, I want to make sure he’s safe with me. Hopefully it’ll never happen, but if we’re ever in an accident, it’ll protect him.”_

It was so casual, thrown away, how he said it while he went about cutting up fruits for the firehouse breakfast brunch that Bobby had left them (Buck) in charge of because he was on a night shift. Like it was normal to just do all of that for someone. Eddie supposed something like that was normal for Buck. When he cared, he delved into it. Wikipedia dives when he had nightmares about explosions and waves. 

(Also, Eddie had no idea what the hell “the blogs” were, how they connected to Christopher and the car seat, and why Buck made it sound like he should. Like he was up to date on “the blogs”.)

Then there was the time where Eddie thought he failed--again--as a father, and Buck was there to help him with pipes framed together and a harness for Christopher to be able to ride a skateboard. The hours it must’ve taken him to build.

  
  


_Buck looked nervous as Eddie walked into the apartment. He used the key he still had from when Buck was injured in the explosion and needed help after Ali left. Buck never wanted it back, so eventually, Eddie just left one for his house on Buck’s table as he dropped off Christopher after the tsunami. Another sign of trust for Buck, who needed tangible proof so badly in those moments._

_“So, I saw this story on YouTube about one and the idea came from a professional skateboarder for his own kid so I think it’s pretty safe, but feel free to test it yourself before you decide whether or not it’s okay for Chris.” Eddie had never heard Buck so unsure in his life. He didn’t understand it until he saw the frame put together underneath the stairs._

_He almost broke right then. They were alone. He could just grab Buck, steal his breath and his mouth and show him everything inside of him that was aching to explode in that moment._

_He hadn’t known what to say. Just settled for hugging Buck, with a thank you whispered into the side of his neck. He tried not to think about how Buck felt shivering against him in response, before he relaxed completely, wrapping Eddie in his arms and holding on. It lasted a fraction longer than necessary, but neither mentioned._

(Eddie’s a little glad he never asked how much it was, accepting the gift on behalf of his son without even thinking because he was so floored, and also wonders a little bit about Buck’s financials.)

There are little gifts. Toys, educational and not. There’s a particular Dory toy that Buck got for Christopher that basically has its own shrine and all he got for an explanation from his son was _just keep swimming, dad_. Buck gets Christopher into better spirits quicker than Eddie thought he’d see his son after losing his mother. 

There are days spent where Buck just has fun with Christopher if Carla has a commitment and Eddie’s family is unavailable (not that Buck needs to know that chain of command lately has gone Buck, then Pepa and Abuela if Carla was unavailable). Where he brings Chris into his apartment and will have something crazy ready. One time, he made them a fort with sheets and pillows where the couch was in order to put on Disney movies that Maddie was making popcorn for. Another time, Eddie walked in on them slowly sliding down the stairs cushioned by more pillows and sheets and it looked like pool noodles or foam wrapped around the railing. He couldn’t be too upset at the way things may have gone wrong because he son was giggling so happily and he knew Buck would let himself get hurt long before Christopher (then probably hide it from him _and_ Eddie until he could take care of it himself so he didn’t burden anyone, the self-sacrificing fool). 

Eddie watches slowly through time as Buck falls in love with Christopher and Christopher falls in love with Buck. And he falls in love too. And _wants_. But he knows he can’t have. Because… well, Eddie could talk himself out of this for days: Buck’s never presented as anything other than straight to him, they work together, if things didn’t work out then how would it affect Christopher, he’s already lost a mother and nearly his father and his own life. There were reasons upon reasons why it would be a bad idea.

Eddie knew he couldn’t risk it. So he locked it away. Thought about trying to date another woman, maybe a man, but the thought just left his stomach cramping at the thought of trying to move on. Because Buck deserved someone to love him. Even if he didn’t know someone did. He needed someone out there loving him and watching out for him in a way that, Eddie suspects, no one ever has. 

He just never thought it would come down to a bumper sticker. 

Really. Of all the things in their line of work. The dangers on the job, the dangers of natural disasters, the dangers of psychopaths trying to kill the Buckleys and blood clots.

And Eddie breaks over a bumper sticker. 

(In his defense, he was coming off of a 24-hour shift and still had to go pick up Christopher from Pepa’s and _it’s Buck_.) 

“Hey!”

Eddie’s so wiped out from the shift that started twenty-four hours and seventeen minutes prior to him finally exiting uniform and the station to go pick up his son, he doesn’t even realize that Buck’s car is already parked and idling in front of the firehouse. 

“Hey, man. Just coming on?” Eddie manages a half-smile, exhaustion keeping him from much else. He knows that Buck gets it on such a visceral level that he doesn’t have to pretend. He never does around Buck (except for the whole making sure he has no idea Eddie is in love with him thing…).

Buck eyes him sympathetically, sweeping his gaze over him; cataloging. Eddie tries not to feel affected because he knows Buck is just making sure he’s in one piece. But he wishes there was a heat to it, a want that he knew he could act on and _take_. 

He mentally shakes himself as Buck leverages himself out of his car, hovering with a small smile as he answers, “Yeah, someone’s gotta pick up your slack around here.” 

Eddie huffs out a chuckle, “I gotta go get Chris, don’t die out there. I’d hate to have to pull out my suit.” 

Buck rolls his eyes but reaches for the back door, “You don’t have to go get Chris.”

Eddie’s brow furrows. He’s a lot tired but that doesn’t make even a little sense, “Yeah, I do. He’s at Pepa’s and I was supposed to be there in ten minutes and traffic will take me another forty, so I’m really late.” 

“No, I mean I already got him for you,” Buck says so easily, like this isn’t the thing that will start the first fracture in Eddie’s resolve. 

“What?” Eddie asks dumbly. It’s then that he sees a glimpse of his son through the cracked back window. Curls and bright red glasses dip in and out of view as he dances excitedly in the back seat shouting _daddy!_

“Yeah, I figured by the time you got out of here and to Pepa’s, you’d be late, then it would take you a couple more hours to get home, but I’ve been killing time all day, so I just showered earlier and went to grab Chris for you.” He hands Eddie Christopher’s crutches before he goes about getting him undone from the seat. 

Eddie doesn’t even know when he moved into the same space as Buck until the crutches are in his hand and that’s when he can shake himself from the surprise. This man went and got his son because he knew that Eddie had a long shift and would have an additional hour or two to get Chris before getting home… and doesn’t seem to understand just how monumental that is because _who does that for people_?

“How’d you even know he was with Pepa?” Eddie doesn’t remember mentioning.

“I texted her.” Buck says slowly, pauses in getting Christopher out to look at Eddie like something may be wrong, “Is everything okay? You’re being a little weird. Did you hit your head today?” There’s a joking inflection but Eddie can hear the worry in the words.

He physically shakes himself this time because of course Buck somehow has Pepa’s number, probably Abuela’s too, “No, sorry, yeah, I'm fine, just a long shift. We had 7 calls today and 2 after you left last night.”

“Damn,” Buck curses quietly under his breath, finally dislodging Christopher from the special car seat that started all of this. “All the better that we just cut the next two hours out so you can go straight home and relax.”

Maybe that was the first fissure; the car seat, then the skateboard, now this. 

He's trying to pinpoint where Buck broke him when suddenly Chris is there and he’s reuniting with his son for the first time in a day, clinging on to his little body for the reassurance that _yes,_ both of them are alive. Everyone’s okay. They chatter while he carries him the short distance over to his truck, realizes that Buck parked only a few spots away for this purpose, because Christopher doesn't like to be carried long distances anymore, but Eddie still wants to cling to his little boy as much as he can after he missed so much. 

Once Chris is stowed away, having had his goodbyes with Buck as Eddie turned on the truck and music for Chris to listen to, handed him his phone to watch YouTube Kids on, so Eddie could have his goodbye with Buck. 

“I don’t know how to thank you enough,” Eddie starts to say as they walk back towards Buck’s car. 

Buck just shrugs, self-deprecating as usual. “It was nothing. I had the time. I would’ve had him today anyway if I didn’t get off at midnight last night and we both know that.”

Eddie’s about to press because does Buck not understand that people don’t just do that for other people? Not in Eddie’s world. And not without expecting something. 

Except Buck. 

Buck’s never expected anything back from Eddie. 

He’s always just unabashedly _given_. 

He’s about to press, but that’s when he sees the bumper sticker and everything just breaks.

It’s so unassuming to anyone that wouldn’t know. A bright yellow shape with black and green text in large block letters, stuck onto Buck’s car that he swore up-down-left-right-center that he would never _ever_ put bumper stickers or even removable bumper _magnets_ on his car because nothing meant enough to him to potentially wreck his car’s paint or have sticky crap on his windows.

**CHILD WITH CEREBRAL PALSY ONBOARD!  
** **IN AN EMERGENCY SITUATION, PLEASE BE AWARE THAT CHILD:**

 **MAY BE NON-VERBAL  
** **MAY BE NON-AMBULATORY  
** **MAY NOT UNDERSTAND OR HAVE AWARENESS OF DANGER**

“What’s that?” Eddie asks numbly, pointing to it. 

“Oh!” Buck’s face breaks into the biggest smile, “It _finally_ came. I got one for you too but it was delayed. I ordered these two weeks ago from Amazon! Carla wants one now after I told her about it. I wanted to get it the same time I got the car seat, but they were on backorder. You know, just in case of an accident.” 

Eddie doesn’t really know when to pinpoint where Buck became so integral in his life, when he thought of things for Eddie's son that Eddie himself wouldn't think of. When he became another parent to Christopher. When he himself became so dependent on this man’s presence in their lives, his life. He should’ve realized during the lawsuit, when it ached and burned to be unable to text Buck after a hard shift or when Chris was crying out for him or when Eddie was crying out for both of them as he awoke from nightmares of watching them both disappear into the wave. When he got up to make his phone call in jail and realized halfway through the number that we wasn’t allowed to contact Buck, the first person he always thinks of after Christopher. The person who has Eddie’s complete and total trust with everything he holds safe and tight to himself.

Should’ve known the moment he met him but he was still so bound to his vows that he couldn’t bring himself to think on it. He still had hope in those moments of trying to swallow his own desires and make a family work for his son because they'd sacrificed so much for him and gone through so much while he was gone that he could do this for them, finally. Even managed to convince himself that he could love her again, forgive her and himself and the old versions of them in Texas that imploded. 

He should’ve known with Buck when it felt so right for the two of them to be taking Christopher to meet Santa, even if he tried, stupidly and unnecessarily, to explain himself to Buck because he felt like he _needed_ to. Felt like he’d betrayed Buck in some way by being with his own wife. 

He should’ve _known_. 

“God, I love you.” 

It takes him a moment to register what he’s just finally admitted out loud. He just did it. Just told Buck that he loves him. It feels like everything in him freezes, nothing working because he can’t move. If he doesn’t move, it didn’t happen. Or he can take it back. Or pretend it was meant in friendship even though he knows all of his emotions just poured into those four words. Claim temporary insanity due to exhaustion?

But Buck just gives him this big smile. It splits his face into the brightest ray of light. His eyes are shining, his face is glowing soft and bright with his happiness. 

“About time,” Buck says before casually dropping a kiss to Eddie’s cheek as they hear Chim shouting from inside the firehouse about where the hell is Buck because his shift started almost twenty minutes ago. “I gotta go, but when we have a moment, we’re gonna do this properly,” Buck promises, a hand coming up to cup Eddie's jaw, thumb gently stroking as he stares reverently at Eddie.

Eddie is mesmerized. It’s exactly like he expected, then. 

Eddie doesn’t think anyone has ever looked at him the way Buck does and he hopes that he can show him the same way one day. Hopes that he’ll be able to learn from Buck, learn how to love openly and freely and fearlessly. 

“I love you, too, for the record.” Buck’s tone is gentle before he ducks his head forward for one chaste kiss. 

Eddie’s mind wipes out. There aren’t any fireworks or choirs. There’s peace. Everything in him feels settled the second he feels the slow drag of Buck’s mouth against his. Feels the slick heat promised behind those beautiful lips of Buck’s that he’s dreamt about in so many ways. Feels the promise in the kiss for what will come. Feels the love in just the soft movement.

So maybe it’s not the bumper sticker that broke Eddie. Maybe Buck broke him open so he could help Eddie start to heal.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for giving this a chance. I feel like I'd personally be more in tune with Buck and thought I'd start working from his perspective, but I had this idea and it only really worked from Eddie's perspective for how I wanted to portray it so that was nerve-wracking because I don't feel like I have Eddie down. I hope you're all well and safe at this time.
> 
> Also, that second Buddie tag is tricky! I thought I broke the website lol.


End file.
